Tuesday, April 3, 2012

10:54 P.M. Tuesday

One week ago at this time Rahima breathed her last. I miss her terribly. So many things—a comb, eyeglasses, the recycling, food in the fridge, a word game, a song—remind me of her, all sounding the refrain of her physical absence. Yet I sense her spirit very much present, especially out in nature.

Today, I firmed up plans for an extended four-month stay at Woolman Hill, the nearby Quaker retreat center in a natural setting with fields and forests. I'll be staying in the Brown House. It feels right, and was something that Rahima had wanted for me. The house at 62 Haywood Street will soon go up for sale.

I'm exhausted. Tomorrow I plan a long hike in the woods to stretch my legs, clear my head and have a good cry.



  1. My arms wrap around you Andy. Thank you for sharing even in the most difficult times. I am here for you, as so many others are too.
    May the journey continue with peace, ~sarah

  2. Andy,

    This time after a great loss is so hard, the sense of absence so heart aching. Thanks for continuing to share with us, and for taking the kind of care of your own soul that Rahima so wanted.

    Every time I see you name pop up in my e-mail, I can almost hear Rahima saying it—An-dy, somehow conveying a world of love just in the manner of utterance. I’ve been inspired by the way that your Caring Bridge site set off companion waves of loving kindness, connecting people to you as well as to one another. I know that you, Mira, and Anders continue to be held in this circle through these times of emptiness.

    During our final two years as colleagues at the University of Iowa, Rahima and I used to take long walks together, mulling over our sense of restlessness and longing. We both departed in the summer of 2008, leaving behind our known worlds as we continued our searching. Rahima will stand for me always as a model of bold and stubbornly optimistic seeking, and I take comfort in knowing that she found her heart’s delight. I pray and trust that you’ll pass safely through this time of grieving and rediscover profound happiness somewhere in a time beyond. Until then, sending you thoughts and prayers of comfort and peace,